A lil Monkey's Heartbeat and an open letter to Baby Daddy

On Monday afternoon Kelly called and said she was spotting so I took her to the ER. Thankfully, little Monkey is doing wonderful. They did an ultrasound and Kelly and I were the first to experience seeing Monkey's heartbeat.

When they did the first ultrasound I saw the gestational sac and it was empty. It took all I had not to cry for fear that Kelly's heart would be broken into a million pieces. Fortunately, the tech had warned us that we may not see anything on the first one but when she did the internal one she would be able to point things out to us. Boy, did she ever. We saw the Yolk sac and a tiny itty bitty flash. I tried to read the monitor to determine the heart rate in hopes of figuring out the sex but one time it said aroudn 156 bpm and the next 112 bpm. Definitely not a definitive answer my friends. So I guess I have 13 more weeks until we can find out.

I doubt I'll be blessed to attend that ultrasound as "baby Daddy" was not happy that Kelly had called on me to take her to the ER. At no point did she deny him the opportunity to have his mother drive him the 3 miles to the hospital once she knew he was at home and not 20 minutes south. He chose to be a "brat" and text fought with Kelly the entire time we were at the hospital. I finally had to tell her to be the grown up and stop responding to him.

She also informed me that he was not happy about me buying so much stuff for the baby. He wanted to be the one to buy stuff.

Okay...here's the deal buddy (1) I've been with my husband for 13 years and he has yet to be able to stop me from shopping but you go ahead and give it a try I doubt you will win and (2) I'm not quite sure how you are going to "buy" your child anything when you have NO job! Kelly is the only one working for now and she is more than happy to have me spoil her lil Monkey. So my message to Jake "baby Daddy" is sit back, shut up and enjoy the ride. I've been here 18 years. No matter what Kelly always comes to me. She knows who has her back. You have dicked her over twice. Right now, I'm hoping that you either do it again or she gets fed up with your crap and leaves you. She's already getting over your crap so I think as long as I can keep my mouth shut her common sense and self esteem will kick back in and you will have visitation rights and child support in your future. That is unless you want to be like a great many men we know and just move along allowing her the chance to find happiness with a man who will work and treat her like a princess. Not asking her, while she is in the ER, whether she wants to clean the room that you promised for 2 days to clean or do laundry. Not bothering to ask if she was going to be okay or on bedrest. Never mind that she works her butt off on her feet and you complain that she is tired and wants to sleep but you'd rather she stay up and entertain you. I'm going to let you dig your own hole.

I will always be in my grandchild's life. You, on the other hand, are not guaranteed that option. As much as I thought her dad was the biggest loser on earth, he is 100x the father that you will ever be. I was fortunate that the men I married and chose to father my children loved me and their "child" enough that they would have moved heaven and earth to be sure that we were both okay. I'm just sorry that you did not have that kind of role model. Never mind the fact that when they were little they didn't either. Luckily, Glenn has Alan who taught him what a real man is. So you continue to sit back and complain that you are no longer the baby because your step dad has kids that are younger than you. NEWSFLASH!!!! Lil Monkey is the baby of the family now. It's time for you to grow up and be a MAN.

If you need any direction in how to be one, feel free to look at Glenn as a great role model. He works his butt of to support us, takes the time to be in his son's life, and his stepdaughter's life, takes time to be with me and I don't have to entertain him. Our conversations and love are entertainment enough for us. Yes, he spends alot of time working on cars and motorcycles, but he does that so that his family can be safely transported from place to place. Yes, he goes for motorcycle rides and occasionally is out all night drinking and spending the night at his friend's house for safety. But, I don't mind because he loves us and deserves to have "Glenn time." He also takes our children out or tells me to go out when I'm getting stressed. He's not babysitting. They are his children too! He is stepping up and being my partner in life, love and parenting. He just knows that I need "Dawn time" that does not include children constantly. He woke up with Cameron many nights even when he had to work the next morning because he loves his son and wanted the time with him. And he loves me enough to know that all day with a baby can be more taxing that a full day of work away from home.

For your child's sake, please grow up. Lil Monkey needs you to be the best dad you can be. Kelly needs you to be the best partner you can be. If you love Kelly as much as you claim then please grow up. Skateboarding and singing are not the be all end all to life. Despite the fact that you have talent, that talent does not buy diapers and formula. Until it does I recommend you don't complain when others are willing to help you and buy them for you.

I am giving you a chance. Really, I am. But, remember, you've broken her heart twice. Please, don't do it again or I really will have to go big bad momma on you.

Just call me MaMa

Last week I was on top of the world. My baby girl had finally gotten her diploma. We celebrated in the best fashion...with my Mom's potato salad, a picnic and of course a cake fight.

Then two days ago, Kelly came by wanting to talk to me in private. In normal fashion, I joked "you better not be pregnant," as that is my worst fear for her right now. She ran away. Fortunately, she came back and showed me the stick like a grown-up. I always envisioned that moment as us hugging and hollering with joy. However, I also always envisioned her being about 23 and married. The first thing I did was cry and then see how she felt. She is anti-abortion so that matter was settled. Next she informed me that they were happy about the baby and she'd be keeping it. It took a bit of discussion to make her realize that even though we totally believe in marriage, it may not be a good idea at this moment. This is the same guy who broke up with her twice last year. They've only been back together a few weeks so I don't have a lot of trust in him. NO, I did not yell, but in my usual passive-aggressive way I made sure that they both knew how unhappy I am about the situation. I've spent two days grieving the loss of her freedom and opportunities.

She will still go to college even if I have to drag her there by her hair. I don't think I'll have to though, she is very interested in going for a "computer graphic design" certificate at CCAC. It will take 2 semesters and will allow her to use her love of photography and art.

I have finally come to terms with the situation. What other choice do I have? When I say that that morning was the worst of my life, I in no way want anyone to think that I will not love my grandchild, I just wish I had a few more years rather than months before I met said grandchild.

Kelly is due on Valentine's day. That is the day we brought my little sweetheart home from the hospital in 1992. Today, I bought the first of many gifts for our little monkey. A bib, car seat cover, and shoulder strap covers. Yes, the bib says "I love Grandma."

Glenn and I are having a hard time deciding what we want to be called. There is no "grandmotherly" name that fits me. Not even Granny, Aunt Sharon! I think MaMa will be it as Kelly calls me Momma. We already have a Grandma and a Nana. I'm not a Nan and everytime I hear Gram I think of Glenn's Gram and mine whom I miss dearly even 6 years later.

In my heart, I'm hoping for a girl (Kelly is too) but I will love him if he's a boy. Cameron has already promised to read to the baby and teach him/her how to skate and play hockey when the time comes. He has committed to babysitting for free when he turns 14. Let's see how that turns out when the time comes. A 2 year old will not be easy and they way he likes to buy games, he'll be hitting her up for cash I'm sure.

With all the drama we have been through in the past 4 years I feared that when this did happen Kelly would not allow me to be involved, in fact, she unequivocally stated that that would be the case. I'm excited to say that her claim is false and she calls on me often throughout the day and I actually see her more often than I did in the past few weeks. She has even said that despite her claims that I will not be in the room for the labor and possible birth, she probably will need her Momma and she'll change her mind. I'm hoping she does. I think she knows that no matter what we go through, I always have her back and I am here for her. She is my schmoopie and I love her dearly.

I am also happy to say that she has quit smoking and her boyfriend is quitting as soon as he uses up the current stock of cigarettes. Little blessings. :>

Kelly and I will start to record her belly growth in photos soon and post on facebook much like Laurel does. I am looking forward to seeing the changes both physically and emotionally that she will go through over the next 8 months. I will try to update my blog as often as I receive information.

In other news we took a family trip to Hershey Park on Friday and my mom met my sister, Tammy and her daughter. We got to ride about a half dozen rollercoasters and I even went down 2 waterslides. We all got sunburned and Cam and I are still peeling on our faces. Good thing pics were taken before the trip.