Out of hiding

I just realized that it's been almost 2 months since I've posted. Yes, I guess I've been hiding out.

No, really, I've just been soooo busy. It takes a lot of time to play those pesky facebook games. Know what I mean?

So much has happened and I've turned to the tough love philosophy in parenting and I'm having a hard time with it.

First, Cam is doing fairly well at school. He does get up and get to school on time. Sits through 4 tediously long hours of class then bolts from the classroom like it's on fire. He's pretty good at getting homework in within a week AFTER the due date, but in class assignments are just too much for him. He ended up with 2 B's and 2 D's last quarter. Who woulda thunk that one of the B's was in Math? And the other English? His two least favorite subjects.

Tomorrow is no school but he has to write a short story before Monday. I anticipate a lot crying and whining. Then there's Cameron's reaction. He has a very creative mind but just can't seem to get it down on paper. This year, I've taken to the "your homework, you do it" mantra. That along with "I've already passed 6th grade." He is so used to me typing for him and in the process adding a bit of help that this year is harder for him. I know that my "help" was a detriment so I made sure the teachers knew my old ways and my new ways so they could be prepared.

Kelly was still living with us until last week when I just couldn't take her disrespect any more and had to kick her out. On the first glance it seems like a stupid reason to toss her (wouldn't do the dishes) but when you combine it with treating us with disdain, constantly yelling at her brother, refusal to speak in a nice tone unless it was about her precious Jake, then you kind of get my point. The dishes were her "rent." I did not want to ask her for money, except her car insurance payment, because I wanted her to save money for her own apartment. 2 months later, she still had no money saved. Her recent text to me was how she couldn't help it if she was exhausted from working 2 jobs to save money. Umm, that flies if you actually save money. She also felt that since she worked, she should not have to cook, clean or anything but sit around and control our living room. She actually didn't have to cook, clean or even do laundry. It was pick up after yourself and do dishes. We'd give her 2 days and when she still didn't do them, Glenn would before work. After serious thought, I concluded that it was best to do it now and give her 3 months to get it together before the baby came. I know that once the baby comes I won't be able to do it, despite the fact that we have no room in our house for her. We had a 3 bedroom house and she swore she'd never move home. The same week we moved to a 2 bedroom, she came back. WTH?! I really hope she does get it together. I know she'll be a great, nurturing and attentive mother. It's the ability to support herself that scares me. I gave her the number of a pregnancy house that will help her find resources but I don't think she's using it. You can lead a horse to water....

Glenn has been enjoying the motorcycle riding this summer. Since Jim and Glenn have traded bikes, I am able to ride with him and finally took my first ride in over 30 years last month. I LOVE IT!!!! I can't wait for the spring so I can go again. I stupidly went on a 50 degree day and well, yea, never again!!!

My little sister came to visit last month and for about a day and half it was great. I did love spending time with my nephew, Tylar.

Last week I reconnected with a cousin I had not seen in about 25 years and discovered that one of her sisters (I guess that would be another cousin) lives about 3 1/2 hours away. I can't wait to drive out and spend some time with her.

Also, Glenn met his Hazlett aunts last month. We have found them to be fun and a pleasure to be around. In the next week or two I'll be having a ladies lunch (no kids) with one of his aunts. She's Glenn's age and we have a lot in common. Now, if you can just keep us out of Target there might be a fighting chance for the rest of you.

I close with a promise to post Cameron's short story when it gets done. His story will be about a boy, who is a hunter and goes off to hunt a wolf in the Alaskan wilderness. The wolf has been stealing and eating the fish that the fishermen bring in. He has a great ending and I'll let you ponder what that is. Suffice to say, you will enjoy it.

Lucas Gavin Miller

Kelly had her ultrasound today and she is having a boy. Click here to view the ultrasound video. They no longer show the goods in the video or even on the picture they print for the parents.

Rolling with the flow

Wow, this year seems to be rolling along. I think the much anticipated pictures will be up and available soon. Strike that....they are here. At least the downstairs pictures are. Honestly, I am just too lazy to go upstairs and get the ones of the bedrooms.

I started to upload them to blogger but it just gets tedious and slow so if you want to see them use this link....http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=233322&id=550377911&l=142c8a7157

This week has been a bit of a crazy one. Cameron started breaking out in bites on Friday. By Saturday, we were circling them daily to see what popped up new. I thought they might be chicken pox but it has not spread to his face and there are only one on each leg. We considered bed bugs but after a very close examination of his bed, we find no evidence to support it. He says they itch so he's taking allergy medicine (benadryl) and this morning I started putting calamine lotion on them. If we don't see an improvement by Friday, I will call the doctor or a pest man. Amazingly, noone else is having this problem. Kelly has slept in his bed a few nights and she seems to be fine.

Glenn is working all the time and in this economy it's not a bad thing. Kelly is working at Spirit Halloween again and we are getting Cam's costume there. He wants to be Michael Jackson. I mentioned we'd have to give him a black face and she reminded me "why bother" he was white. LOL He's been practicing his moves and I'll get a soundless video to upload once we have his costume.

Tomorrow is Kelly's ultrasound. She is uber excited. I would be too, but, I've been forbidden to attend the big event. My van, however, is welcome to transport her and the baby daddy. She is having a 3D ultrasound in Florida next month and that is one I can't wait to see. For $12.95 anyone can log on and watch it live and have access to it for one full year, I believe. As I get more info, I'll pass it along.


She better make it home by 4:30 as I am going to Cranberry to meet one of my favorite author's and get her new book signed. I recently discovered that her series of books are being made into movies and Katherine Heigl is starring. I think Jennifer Hudson is in it too. I really must find the newsletter to be sure. Nope, it's Sherri Shepherd. Better yet, they started filming it in July in PITTSBURGH. I wish I had known. I would have been front and center checking that out!

I'm sorry I never posted Cam's 1st day of 6th grade picture but really, do you want to see him standing around in his jammies? The best part of homeschooling is the minimal laundry.

Have a wonderful day.

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A whole month

I can't believe it's been over a month since I've posted, but what a month.

A few weeks ago we decided to move. Just 2 doors away but that makes no difference. It actually took longer for us to move this time than it did for us to move 5 states away. Maybe it's because we refused to rent a moving truck or maybe it's because my back was hurting much of the time or, and the excuse I prefer, is that while we were trying to move in, the previous tenant was moving out and not in a particularly efficient manner. They literally would only move one load a day. Frickin eh, just get it over with!

We are now renting Glenn's boss's house. Nothing like completely embedding yourself into our life, thereby ensuring that Glenn can never find another job!

We really like the new house, however, after practically begging my daughter to move back home to our 3 bedroom house, she decides to wait until our second night in our 2 bedroom house. We absolutely have no room for her or the baby but I will NOT put her out. I recall sleeping on my grandparents living room floor, with my 2 siblings, while my parents slept on the couch in a 2 bedroom trailer that regularly housed my grandparents, great grandmother and aunt. Things may be tight but we will survive. Kelly is on the couch but I may allow her and Cam to switch sleeping spots as he loves the couch and his room is finally organized. Thank you Glenn!!!!

My favorite part of the house is our dressing room and 12-14 foot closet, Cam's classroom is also set up in this room. Least favorite...one bathroom...DOWNSTAIRS! Not cool at night when I have to pee every hour. At least I'm getting a workout.

Glenn has been working hard for the past few weeks trying to find somewhere to put all of our, dare I say it?, crap!!!

I can't believe that I actually survived a weekend of my sister and her daughter coming to stay with us while we still had moving boxes everywhere. The way I figure it, everyone has moved, our relationship is more important and if she can't look past a few boxes then "oh well." She did look past them and we had an awesome girls time. Poor Cam had to put up with me, Tammy and Jessie doing a girl's spa night. He had his laptop so he was just fine. Sunday, Jessie and I took Tammy to the Strip District where she managed to knock out quite a few Christmas gifts.

I am sorry to say, but, we had a loss in the family tonight. After 5 years, our vacuum cleaner bit the dust after finishing Cameron's room. Glenn said it was starting to smoke and it really stunk. We will be replacing this dear member of our family and once we do, I won't miss it's predecessor at all!

I know that on Facebook, I've promised pictures of our new house and I will get them up. As soon as we have the house completely done, including the pile of laundry residing in my hallway being washed, dried, and conveniently hidden away. Of course, that is the hard part as we are out of room.

My other sister is coming to visit on October 1st and again on Martin Luther King's birthday weekend. That is when I am doing Kelly's baby shower as my older sister is in retail and that is the best weekend for her. Despite the sibling arguments Paula and I have had through the years, I miss her. It's been over 3 years since I've seen her and she wants to see the leaves change so in a few weeks I'll be seeing her.

School is going well for Cameron. He is on a 10-2 schedule again and I've been good about getting him up between 8 and 9 every morning so he has time to relax before class. Most mornings I even stay up, but a few I have laid back down til between 10 and 11. Quite a change of pace for me! Cameron loves Science but his favorite class is Social Studies with his lone male teacher.

Kelly is working at Spirit Halloween again and will have her ultrasound on September 15th. I'll try to remember to scan the ultrasound picture or upload a video from the DVD and hopefully announce the sex. We are hoping for a girl, but I'll love a boy too. She has chosen the names, Zoe Jane and Lucas Gavin. She claims the baby is very active and it's favorite resting spot is on her bladder. I remind her she should be glad that it's not like her. Both Tammy and I discovered that our daughter's liked to lay on our sciatic nerve. They were a pain in the a$$ before they were born, but we love them tremendously.

Happy end of summer. I can't believe that my children are (1) a high school graduate about to become a mommy and (2) a 6th grader who is becoming more independent by the day. I am entirely too young for all this, but I am loving the new experiences. This Friday, we are attending the Spirit of America concert at the new hockey rink. We saw the show a few years ago and loved it. Cam was completely enthralled by it so we decided to do it again. If I can get pics, I will upload them.

10 bucks and a trip to Target

My niece, Jessica, is visiting this week. I am introducing her to the wonders of free and cheap. We went to Target last night and again today. She was very excited to see what we could get. I didn't make a post for last night but the kids were so impressed by our trip today, they thought we should share.

1 pack of Papermate pens... $.50 with .50 Target coupon = FREE

1 pack of Super Sticky Post It Notes....$4.99 with $1.00 Man. coupon = 3.99

2 bags of Willy Wonka chocolates...on sale 2 for $6 with 1.00 man and 1.00 Target coupon on each = $1.00 each

2 Kid Cuisine meals...1.75 with 1.00 Target coupon = $.75 each

2 Microwavable Chef Boyardee meals...$.80 each; and

2 Cans of Chef Boyardee... $.99 each with 1.00 Target coupon on each and a Man coupon for $1.50 when you buy 4 so I paid . 05 for the microwavables

1 can of Chunky Chicken Noodle soup...$1.89 with .50 target and .50 man coupons = .89

1 Chex Turtle Mix...on sale for 1.50 with .50 man coupon = 1.00

1 LA Looks hair gel (50% bonus bottle)...1.94 with 1.00 man coupon = .94

2 bottles of Sobe Lifewater...1.02 each with BOGO from Sobe site and .50 coupon on each = .01 each

3 8 packs of Juicy Juice...2.29 each with 3 1.00 off Target coupons and 1.00 off 3 man coupon = 2.87 for all three.

I used a $5.00 gift card on the order that I received last night for buying 2 Axe Shower gel gift sets. They were on sale for 6.99 and I had 1.50 coupon off for each.

Total $9.67

Jessie also witnessed Glenn carrying in an armful of free samples from the mail yesterday.

Mail call =

Free Classic Motorsports magazine

Sample of Rachel Ray Nutrish dog food

Sample of Purina One Smartblend dog food

Kotex sample pack

5 day supply of MegaKrill Oil capsules

Travel size can of Axe body spray

Today we went to the mall and got Jessie a free sample of perfume at Sephora in JC Penney and a free 2 oz sample of body lotion at Bath and Body Works. Her suitcase was stuffed when she got here. She'll need a new bag to take her goodies home with. Last night I got her a free travel size Pantene conditioner and BOGO Herbal Essence Shampoo and Conditioner that was on sale for 2.50. Need I mention that she is loving her trip so far.

Not for nothing, it's been a great week.

I am enjoying spending time with my niece though. Yesterday, Glenn, Kelly, Cam and I took Jessie to the Strip District for lunch and to pick up souvenirs. Then stopped off at Station Square. We definitely want to get her to Mount Washington and North Shore before she goes home on Thursday.

What can $2.47 get me at Target?

I have found a new addiction. Freebie sites. The past few months I've been signing up for free samples and in the past week or so, I've discovered that coupons are just as good. Target accepts a manufacturer's coupon and a Target coupon for each item.

Last night, I perused one of my favorite sites and began my quest to download and coordinate coupons to get as much as I could for free or almost free. Here is what I got....

Sobe Lifewater....Target has a .50 off coupon for the water which is 1.00 this week making the water .50
2 8 packs of Juicy Juice....the Juice is 2.29 each, Redplum had a coupon for 1.00 off and I printed (2) 1.00 Target coupons making the grand total for the juice 1.58
2 cans of Chef Boyardee...Target has coupons for 1.00 off one can. You can print up to two coupons for each item from the Target coupons. The item was .99 each making the Chef Boyardee FREE
Con Agra has a coupon for 1.50 off of (4) listed items, including Chef Boyardee and Banquet meals. Since I only had 2 coupons for the Chef, I got 2 Banquet meals at .68 each with the 1.50 coupon they were FREE
Bic Pens are .99 each, Target has a coupon for 1.00 off making them FREE
Willy Wonka Bar...Redplum had a 1.00 off coupon and Target had a 1.00 off coupon. The candy bar was 1.97 with the coupons the bar was FREE
Bagel bites...2.24 for a package, Target had 1.00 off and Ore Ida had 1.00 off making them .24

My receipt lists my savings as 12.66. Pretty sweet deal if I do say so myself.

We also went to Staples and saved 5.00 by getting 2 -6 packs of highlighters, regular price of 2.00 for .25 each and 2 - storage boxes, regular price 1.00 for .25 each. Total at Staples was 1.07

A full nest

So, I had planned a quiet weekend home alone. Plans change. Kelly called me Friday to go downtown to help her apply for medical assistance.

We started our drive in her car, which overheated then switched to my van and drove downtown, walked about 4 blocks, paid $10 for parking and sat in the office for 2 1/2 hours so Kelly could sign 2 pieces of paper. WTH? Then to top it off, as we left it started to rain. We were soaked by time we got to the parking garage. We decided to head straight to the mall so I could get a new t-shirt and she got a new outfit off the clearance rack. I was so proud. All clearance was buy 1, get one for a penny. She got a pair of sweat pants for 9.99 and a top for a penny. Then we walked around the mall, had dinner and proceeded to get lost in Ross Township looking for a baby store. Eventually, we found our way back to civilization, went grocery shopping and spent the evening chilling at home with our laptops. All in all, it was nice being with her.

On Saturday I chilled at home because I was sick and then on Sunday headed to Aunt Sharon's to help her make a gift. We got the foundation done but discovered that we could not finish it. While heading out to get the appropriate items for the gift, we stopped and Linda's and I discovered that I just couldn't go any farther. Poor Aunt Sharon had to finish it on her own. I'm sure it is beautiful.

Poor Glenn managed to be the sole casualty at camping. He tripped over the firewood and into the fire at Raystown. Then when he got home, he got sick today. Can anyone say whiny baby? I shouldn't laugh because his fever was up to 101.8 last night. We both are starting to feel better with some medicine from Dr. Weiner.

The school called today and Cameron's school schedule is aaawesoooome. His first class is at 10 a.m. and he finishes at 2 p.m. What a sweet schedule? He can get up at 8, watch tv, eat breakfast, take his meds at 9 and be in class at 10. He sounded happy with the schedule when I told him.

Kelly has a tiny bump, mostly water gain. I posted pics of Glenn and Kelly on my facebook. When I told Cam that he is off school on Valentine's day and he can go the hospital with us if she goes into labor that day, he said fine...but not too close he didn't want to hear any women screaming. LOL He's so cute.

Home Alone?!

I can't believe that for the first time in 5 years I will have the house all to myself for a few days. Last time I enjoyed this pleasure was in 2005 when Glenn took the kids to Pennsylvania and went camping with his family. Sounds eerily familiar as that is what is going on now.

We dropped Cam off at Raystown earlier this week. Well, drop off sounds a bit cold. We did spend a night and returned home for a few days of quiet together. This afternoon, Glenn will return to the scene of the crime on his motorcycle leaving me with Milo duty and a completely quiet house all to myself. Whatever shall I do?

So far, I've just been spending time surfing the net signing up for free stuff. You know me...never one to pass up FREE. This morning I signed up for free ziploc bags, a nursery bag, a free cheerleader magazine for Keara and plenty more.

I may go see Jake in his skateboarding competition tomorrow and Sunday I am going to Aunt Sharon's to help her finish a baby shower gift we have been discussing.

Happy weekend. I am off for a weekend of....who knows, but it will not include anyone calling for Mom, demanding a head scratch or even cooking. A little bit of heaven on earth my friends. Fortunately, the house will be full again by Sunday evening and life will begin anew.

6 years or just yesterday

Gram at about 14-16 years old




My mom, Darlene, grandma, Margaret, and me


the day I found out I was pregnant with Kelly.


July, 1991.

I can't believe that it's been almost 6 years since I lost one of my best friends, my grandma. Literally, every day I go to pick up the telephone to call and tell her something that is going on or to ask her advice. Then, I remember that she is no longer there. I don't cry anymore but sometimes I get so cranky that I think it may because my best therapist is on permanent retirement.

I hope that Kelly's baby is a girl so I can try to have a great relationship with her the way I did with my Gram.

One of the best and worst days of my life was the day Gram found out she had ovarian cancer. It was the best because when the doctor came in to tell her the results of her surgery, she told him he could talk in front of me, I was one of her best friends. Worst because....well, she had cancer.

Watching her die was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I have always been scared of death and dead people. I imagined that when she passed I would hardly be able to enter the room. Instead, I rushed to the Hospice House in record time and climbed in bed with her.

I'm proud to say I held it together through the planning of the funeral and distribution of her estate, but when the funeral was over and they made me leave, I lost it. I still hate the fact that I had to leave her there to be cremated. She was my Gram. Why did God take her from me? I know that He has a plan for my life and every obstacle I encounter is to make me a stronger person and remind me to reaffirm my faith in Him.

Sometimes, I am looking at pictures and Cameron does not remember her. That makes me want to cry. She loved every grandchild and great grandchild of hers. I think she even loved my sister, Tammy, despite the adoption and the fact that she forced it. I am saddened that Tammy never got to meet her. I think Tammy would have loved Gram's sense of humor.

Gram and I laughed so much and I could talk to her about anything. She never let me feel I was unloved. No matter what I did, I was still her granddaughter and I believe I was actually the favorite. Sorry Paula and Tina. I got documents to prove she trusted me with her life literally. I know she loved us all, but I'll hold on to a little bit of superiority in that LOL.

If there were ever a grandchild she loved the most, it would be my brother, Chuckie. I remember Gram talking about him and how when she moved to Florida in 1970 that the thing she missed the most in Pittsburgh was him. She never grasped how that hurt me. On a logical level I understand that I wasn't even born yet so she had no relationship with me to miss. But, she had 19 months with Chuckie and she missed him dearly. His death caused an insurmountable amount of grief to her. I can't believe it's been 25 years since we lost him, too.

I remember the story of how when she got his ashes she opened them to see him. She had no fear of dead people. One of her childhood friends lived in a funeral home so she often played there. I have had my brother's ashes for years and I still cannot bring myself to take his box out of the bag she passed it to me in.

There are certain ways my Gram did things that I am strictly adherent to. My macaroni and cheese has to have white cheddar cheese. We must have red beets and cucumber salad with it. She preferred white cheese and I even prefer white american cheese over orange. I remember she always had a drawer full of candy in her fridge. She loved tastee cakes. She would not eat chicken AT ALL!!! Why do so many memories of her include food?

Gram and I have had similar medical issues so it scares me that I may end up with ovarian cancer when I am older. Fortunately, I have been on birth control and I understand that that will reduce my chances.

In my room is my grandmother's free standing mirror and jewelry armoire. Sometimes, I open it up and hold the flowers she used to wear to Christmas parties or wear some of her jewelry and it makes me feel closer to her. I have her wedding band but finally stopped wearing it.

A few days ago I was scanning pictures into my computer and have some of her as a child. Looking at them I can see similar features in Cameron. That makes me smile. My grandmother was an absolutely stunning woman and I am proud to be her granddaughter. July 8th will never be the same in my life. But, I'm glad to have known such a loving, caring, smart, strong and funny woman.

A lil Monkey's Heartbeat and an open letter to Baby Daddy

On Monday afternoon Kelly called and said she was spotting so I took her to the ER. Thankfully, little Monkey is doing wonderful. They did an ultrasound and Kelly and I were the first to experience seeing Monkey's heartbeat.

When they did the first ultrasound I saw the gestational sac and it was empty. It took all I had not to cry for fear that Kelly's heart would be broken into a million pieces. Fortunately, the tech had warned us that we may not see anything on the first one but when she did the internal one she would be able to point things out to us. Boy, did she ever. We saw the Yolk sac and a tiny itty bitty flash. I tried to read the monitor to determine the heart rate in hopes of figuring out the sex but one time it said aroudn 156 bpm and the next 112 bpm. Definitely not a definitive answer my friends. So I guess I have 13 more weeks until we can find out.

I doubt I'll be blessed to attend that ultrasound as "baby Daddy" was not happy that Kelly had called on me to take her to the ER. At no point did she deny him the opportunity to have his mother drive him the 3 miles to the hospital once she knew he was at home and not 20 minutes south. He chose to be a "brat" and text fought with Kelly the entire time we were at the hospital. I finally had to tell her to be the grown up and stop responding to him.

She also informed me that he was not happy about me buying so much stuff for the baby. He wanted to be the one to buy stuff.

Okay...here's the deal buddy (1) I've been with my husband for 13 years and he has yet to be able to stop me from shopping but you go ahead and give it a try I doubt you will win and (2) I'm not quite sure how you are going to "buy" your child anything when you have NO job! Kelly is the only one working for now and she is more than happy to have me spoil her lil Monkey. So my message to Jake "baby Daddy" is sit back, shut up and enjoy the ride. I've been here 18 years. No matter what Kelly always comes to me. She knows who has her back. You have dicked her over twice. Right now, I'm hoping that you either do it again or she gets fed up with your crap and leaves you. She's already getting over your crap so I think as long as I can keep my mouth shut her common sense and self esteem will kick back in and you will have visitation rights and child support in your future. That is unless you want to be like a great many men we know and just move along allowing her the chance to find happiness with a man who will work and treat her like a princess. Not asking her, while she is in the ER, whether she wants to clean the room that you promised for 2 days to clean or do laundry. Not bothering to ask if she was going to be okay or on bedrest. Never mind that she works her butt off on her feet and you complain that she is tired and wants to sleep but you'd rather she stay up and entertain you. I'm going to let you dig your own hole.

I will always be in my grandchild's life. You, on the other hand, are not guaranteed that option. As much as I thought her dad was the biggest loser on earth, he is 100x the father that you will ever be. I was fortunate that the men I married and chose to father my children loved me and their "child" enough that they would have moved heaven and earth to be sure that we were both okay. I'm just sorry that you did not have that kind of role model. Never mind the fact that when they were little they didn't either. Luckily, Glenn has Alan who taught him what a real man is. So you continue to sit back and complain that you are no longer the baby because your step dad has kids that are younger than you. NEWSFLASH!!!! Lil Monkey is the baby of the family now. It's time for you to grow up and be a MAN.

If you need any direction in how to be one, feel free to look at Glenn as a great role model. He works his butt of to support us, takes the time to be in his son's life, and his stepdaughter's life, takes time to be with me and I don't have to entertain him. Our conversations and love are entertainment enough for us. Yes, he spends alot of time working on cars and motorcycles, but he does that so that his family can be safely transported from place to place. Yes, he goes for motorcycle rides and occasionally is out all night drinking and spending the night at his friend's house for safety. But, I don't mind because he loves us and deserves to have "Glenn time." He also takes our children out or tells me to go out when I'm getting stressed. He's not babysitting. They are his children too! He is stepping up and being my partner in life, love and parenting. He just knows that I need "Dawn time" that does not include children constantly. He woke up with Cameron many nights even when he had to work the next morning because he loves his son and wanted the time with him. And he loves me enough to know that all day with a baby can be more taxing that a full day of work away from home.

For your child's sake, please grow up. Lil Monkey needs you to be the best dad you can be. Kelly needs you to be the best partner you can be. If you love Kelly as much as you claim then please grow up. Skateboarding and singing are not the be all end all to life. Despite the fact that you have talent, that talent does not buy diapers and formula. Until it does I recommend you don't complain when others are willing to help you and buy them for you.

I am giving you a chance. Really, I am. But, remember, you've broken her heart twice. Please, don't do it again or I really will have to go big bad momma on you.

Just call me MaMa

Last week I was on top of the world. My baby girl had finally gotten her diploma. We celebrated in the best fashion...with my Mom's potato salad, a picnic and of course a cake fight.

Then two days ago, Kelly came by wanting to talk to me in private. In normal fashion, I joked "you better not be pregnant," as that is my worst fear for her right now. She ran away. Fortunately, she came back and showed me the stick like a grown-up. I always envisioned that moment as us hugging and hollering with joy. However, I also always envisioned her being about 23 and married. The first thing I did was cry and then see how she felt. She is anti-abortion so that matter was settled. Next she informed me that they were happy about the baby and she'd be keeping it. It took a bit of discussion to make her realize that even though we totally believe in marriage, it may not be a good idea at this moment. This is the same guy who broke up with her twice last year. They've only been back together a few weeks so I don't have a lot of trust in him. NO, I did not yell, but in my usual passive-aggressive way I made sure that they both knew how unhappy I am about the situation. I've spent two days grieving the loss of her freedom and opportunities.

She will still go to college even if I have to drag her there by her hair. I don't think I'll have to though, she is very interested in going for a "computer graphic design" certificate at CCAC. It will take 2 semesters and will allow her to use her love of photography and art.

I have finally come to terms with the situation. What other choice do I have? When I say that that morning was the worst of my life, I in no way want anyone to think that I will not love my grandchild, I just wish I had a few more years rather than months before I met said grandchild.

Kelly is due on Valentine's day. That is the day we brought my little sweetheart home from the hospital in 1992. Today, I bought the first of many gifts for our little monkey. A bib, car seat cover, and shoulder strap covers. Yes, the bib says "I love Grandma."

Glenn and I are having a hard time deciding what we want to be called. There is no "grandmotherly" name that fits me. Not even Granny, Aunt Sharon! I think MaMa will be it as Kelly calls me Momma. We already have a Grandma and a Nana. I'm not a Nan and everytime I hear Gram I think of Glenn's Gram and mine whom I miss dearly even 6 years later.

In my heart, I'm hoping for a girl (Kelly is too) but I will love him if he's a boy. Cameron has already promised to read to the baby and teach him/her how to skate and play hockey when the time comes. He has committed to babysitting for free when he turns 14. Let's see how that turns out when the time comes. A 2 year old will not be easy and they way he likes to buy games, he'll be hitting her up for cash I'm sure.

With all the drama we have been through in the past 4 years I feared that when this did happen Kelly would not allow me to be involved, in fact, she unequivocally stated that that would be the case. I'm excited to say that her claim is false and she calls on me often throughout the day and I actually see her more often than I did in the past few weeks. She has even said that despite her claims that I will not be in the room for the labor and possible birth, she probably will need her Momma and she'll change her mind. I'm hoping she does. I think she knows that no matter what we go through, I always have her back and I am here for her. She is my schmoopie and I love her dearly.

I am also happy to say that she has quit smoking and her boyfriend is quitting as soon as he uses up the current stock of cigarettes. Little blessings. :>

Kelly and I will start to record her belly growth in photos soon and post on facebook much like Laurel does. I am looking forward to seeing the changes both physically and emotionally that she will go through over the next 8 months. I will try to update my blog as often as I receive information.

In other news we took a family trip to Hershey Park on Friday and my mom met my sister, Tammy and her daughter. We got to ride about a half dozen rollercoasters and I even went down 2 waterslides. We all got sunburned and Cam and I are still peeling on our faces. Good thing pics were taken before the trip.

Motivation or competition?

Today, my high school friend, Laurie started a blog about her journey to lose 100 lbs. by her 40th birthday. I've been on a mission to lose weight since January. I've lost 16-18 pounds (depends on the time of day when I weigh in). That's about 1 pound a week. A bit slow, but I'm not knocking any success. I'll be 40 in 2 days so I'm pretty sure I won't be losing a 100 lbs by then unless I get rid of Cameron. However, I have no intention of doing that so I'll stick with my current plan.

My shorts from last summer and jeans from this winter are already fitting looser and becoming annoying as they droop and fall off my waist. I know, there are bigger problems in the world than clothes that are too big! Glenn said he can see that I've lost because my breasts stick out farther than my belly. Woohoo!!!

This week has been hard. I'm suffering from PMS and I don't want to turn 40 so I've managed to consume an entire bag of hershey kisses. I think I'm going to be sick just thinking about that. They sure were good though. I had quit Pepsi for several months but recently took it back up in full force. My mission after my birthday is to quit it for good. Some people need to quit smoking, some need to quit alcohol or drugs....for me it's Pepsi and I assure you it is very difficult. The sugar in Pepsi is addicting and brings on tremendous cravings. I don't look forward to the withdrawal headaches, but I know that after a few days, I'll be fine.

Some days I wish I could force myself to become bulemic. It would make life so much easier. But, I'm better than that and this time, I will lose the weight in a healthy way. Last time I lost 50 pounds it was under extreme duress and really not wanting to consume the food offered. This time, I will eat a variety of foods, good, bad and ugly. But, I will be happy and not feel like I'm being denied anything. My picture from Christmas is my starting weight. When I reach 25 pounds down and hold for a week, I will post them side by side and then again every 25 pounds. Don't look for them too often. This is a long battle and just losing 25 pounds is 10% of my beginning weight of 257. I would like to lose those next 7-9 pounds by 4th of July.

Happy New Year my friends. I know I'm 5 months late, but this is a new year of my life. Officially on Friday! May my next 40 be happier and healthier. I'm already happier. I have 2 wonderful and beautiful sisters, 5 nephews and 2 nieces between them and I love each and every one of them. I am at a wonderful place with my husband and children. Life is good and it can only get better as I've decided to focus on making myself healthy so I can enjoy them all in the future.

I'm baaaaaaaack

Yes, I realize that it seems as if I've dropped off the face of the Earth. But, I guarantee I am still here in all my cranky glory. In all fairness, there's just not that much interesting happening in my life!

After making a list of all the things we would have to do and buy we threw up our hands and said "forget it, let's just stay here." So, we made another list and began or adventure on our all out plan to organize the current house. I'd post pics but I lost my cable that connects my camera to the computer, thereby making my camera pretty much useless. Hence, the need for organization. Yes, there are still 2 library books and 2 Netflix DVD's missing. One since August when we went to New Jersey. Since I've paid $14.99 a month since then, I'm about to just pay $14.00 each and mark them lost so we can get new ones.

We've (by we I mean mostly Glenn) cleaned and organized the downstairs room, kitchen, living room and bathroom. The living room got a paint job, new 32" tv, and bookshelf. I finally have most if not all of our bric a brac (threw that one in for Kelly, she thinks the word is retarded and should be deleted from the dictionary) and pictures up for my enjoyment. The kitchen is not quite done as we are putting my dishwasher in this weekend and replacing the range hood. Originally, we were going to put up an over the range microwave, but it was too big. Instead, we returned it, bought a plain hood, cheaper but better microwave and new pillows and still had $$$. How sweet is that? We moved the love seat downstairs so Cameron has a little living room to enjoy while he zones out on game systems. The bathroom got a new shower curtain adding a bit of color. We found a rug to match but the hunt for window coverings are about to send me over the edge so Glenn has taken over and he's on his third trip to the store today to find something.

Kelly seems to be acclimating well to being an "adult." She is discovering that it's expensive to grow up. I did send her $$ for birthday, but I have to keep reminding myself that in order for her to grow up well, I can't bail her out all the time. If I do, she'll never realize how hard it is. She may be moving in with her friend Taylor as they found a 2 bedroom apartment. I did buy her a shower curtain and accessories for her bath and I'm giving her my old microwave and pots and pans for her kitchen. Of course, her announcement called for a trip to IKEA so I could get her silverware and a tray. I found an awesome set of cookware that came with a knife set and block, lasagna/roasting pan, and spatula/spoon set so I'm passing them all on to her.

Glenn is not working much so it's giving him plenty of time to clean house and make it pretty. The snow is still piled high outside. We are .2" from matching the record here and since it is supposed to snow this weekend I foresee a record breaking month of snow. Global warming? Not here my friend. We are fortunate that our road is always one of the first cleared but it's still a pain to have to shovel the driveway. Last big snow the landlord brought his snowblower and asked Glenn to blow his parking lots. We didn't realize it was supposed to be a gift to him. If we had, I assure you I would not have missed 1/2 the first quarter of the super bowl and Glenn would not have woken up at 5:30 a.m. to get it done on Monday morning.

Cameron is still plugging away at school. We are a month behind but we'll get it done. I'm trying to make him do it more independently and that takes time. He finally finished his math tutoring yesterday. Can I get a Woohoo???? Woohoo!!!! Our new healthy eating plan has taken some hits but not having the bad food in the house helps. It's just when we are out we don't always make the best decisions. I had a 4 piece chicken nugget yesterday (no fries and soda) and when I read the nutrition info after I wanted to become a bulimic...12g fat in 4 nuggets. Are you kidding me? Now wonder Cameron gained all that weight he "only eats 6 pieces" with fries and a soda or chocolate milk. He went 4 1/2 weeks without McDonalds but we did give in and let him have one meal over the weekend. Don't see that happening again. We missed our appt. last week and I need to reschedule for next week. The goal was a "hold" on his weight. I think I lost a pound. Just knowing that we are making better choices in the food in the house is awesome. We do not buy soda and keep it in the house anymore. I don't crave Pepsi and really don't want it when I do get it. That's a huge leap for me.

I've battled a sinus infection for quite some time and it literally kept me knocked out for at least a week or two. I found though that if I take the sinus meds when due, I stave off the pain and can function in society. :>

Hope everyone had a Happy Valentine's Day. That darn groundhog saw his shadow so we'll be in the cold for some time, but, hopefully by Easter we'll see the daffodils springing up and the snow melting.

Photos of house

A link to photos of the new house

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=140184&id=550377911&l=a9757cfe1f

Homeowner?

As my Facebook friends know Glenn and I are contemplating buying a house in Corliss on a Contract for Deed basis. For those of us with less than a stellar credit history this is a fantastic option.

Last Friday night Glenn came home and gushed about a house that his boss had taken him to see. English Tudor, same rent as now but with 5 bedrooms and 1 1/2 bath. Sounds great to me! Let's go. We stopped on our way to Cameron's birthday party on Saturday to see it together. It was a fairly quick see as it was freezing, no heat or power in the house and yes we were late to our own party!

The first floor is dining, kitchen, 1/2 bath and living room. The living and dining room are quite roomy although with radiator heat, our furniture set up will be a bit odd during winter months. I can tell you I know where my Christmas tree is going. LOL That's usually my first thought when I look at a new place to live. Weird I know, but that's me! Second floor is a room for the classroom, Cam's room (I like the laundry chute in his closet), a full bath and a fairly large master bedroom. Third floor/attic is 1 completely finished room we can use for a media/game room and a partially finished room that I'd like to use as a guest room but Glenn wants to use as storage. I'll update you when we decide who wins that battle. There is a full basement with a garage but Glenn doesn't want to store anything like boxes down there because a) it's cold and b) the concrete allows the water to saturate itself and starts to leak into the basement, not flood leak but the concrete gets damp. A covered porch off the living room and an uncovered porch off the kitchen. Fairly decent sized yard.

We've spent the week researching Contract for Deeds. Aunt Sharon has sent me information from Dave Ramsey, and I've spent much time on the beloved internet. We finally decided to go all in. I called the homeowner yesterday to let him know we were okay with moving on to the discussion of terms when he informed me that the radiator heaters were not drained and when the frozen pipes started to thaw this week the radiators, yes all 10 of them, cracked and leaked a small amount of water on the hardwood floors under each of them.

Glenn and I discussed the fact that the house is nearly 75 years old and the potential for the radiators to go bad in the near future was pretty high so we decided that we'd agree to pay 1/2 the cost of replacement before the move. Sounds pretty stupid but we are grateful that we are only paying 1/2 now and not ending up with the full bill in the future. We are hoping to meet with the homeowner tomorrow to look over the damage, see the radiators and take pictures. Once I get the pictures, I will upload them for all to see. Be fair warned...the kitchen is in need of work before we move in.

My concern has been that if the radiators cracked and leaked...what about the other plumbing? I don't want to spend money to fix the radiators only to discover that we have a huge plumbing bill on our hands once we turn on the water. Glenn's father told us that fixing the plumbing would not be a big deal, parts are cheap and he and Glenn can do the labor. So it looks like we are back on.

I've been researching window treatments and found a very nice set for the dining room. Unfortunately, when I went back to the JCPenney website the curtains were gone. :< Are all of these unfortunate incidents an indication that we should forego the purchase and look to move to another rental in the spring? I sure hope not.

Other interesting news, known to my and Kelly's facebook friends.

a. Kelly is doing fantastic in Florida. Other than an emergency trip to the ER to remove a ring that was too tight on her finger and she mangled using kitchen shears that is. She got a job as a hostess and starts on Wednesday.

b. Cameron grew 1.2 inches this month and stayed the exact same weight. Both are great news. We met with a nutritionist on Friday at Children's Hospital and she put us on a healthy eating plan. It was devised by a dietitian at Children's some time ago and is used by many dietitians around the country. It uses a red, green, yellow light plan. Red is food you should avoid and if you must eat you can have no more than one item from the list per day. Green is you can eat anything on it as much as you want, primarily vegetables and condiments. Yellow is the food you need to survive but eat in specific portion sizes and certain amounts per day. 2 proteins, 4 milk and dairy, 10 breads and starches, 3 fruits and 2 fats/oils. The booklet is simple to use and is easy to pop in my purse when we go grocery shopping. I purged the cabinets and am now trying to decide what to do with the foods I've purged. So far, we have not been able to eat the 10 breads and starches per day. We also need to add 30 minutes of exercise or walking per day. Cameron's goal is to maintain his weight with no gain this month and mine is to lose 1-2 pounds per week. I see a long way until I hit my goal weight but when I do....watch out!!! At a 1-2 pounds it should take me 1-2 years. I'd like to lose about 100 or a bit more. Glenn wants me to stop at about 170 or 180 but I want to get to 150. When I was 20 and hit 130 I looked gaunt.