Memorial Day Madness

It's been quite a weekend. Saturday, Cameron and I headed to the Tanger Outlets to find a present for Aidan's birthday. I love the Croc's store. I found a pair of Steelers Crocs for $9.99 so I got a pair for Cam and a pair of Aidan. Old Navy had a flip flop sale so we picked up a few pairs for each of the boys. Then to the grocery store to pick up the remaining items for my deviled eggs and baked beans for Sunday's picnic at Aunt Sharon's.

Aidan opening his presents

I was really looking forward to the picnic as it would give me an opportunity to spend more than a few minutes meeting Fabi, Keith's bride to be. I met her at Brian's wedding in December. After Fabi's shower, we had a chance to connect over our love of reality TV. We discovered that we watch many of the same shows and feel the same way about the stars.



Fabi and Keith

Cameron was making the rounds trying to find someone to spend the night with. I know he gets lonely being pretty much an only child here with just a few friends in the neighborhood to play with. Originally, he was going to Beth and Mike's to play with Aidan, but Mike did not feel well so we had to rein in that idea. Eventually, Grandma ended up with Keara, Riley and Cameron. Grandma forgot to charge her phone so I'm not sure how the experience went.

Glenn and I enjoyed an evening sans children. By time we got home and settled in, it was late so really we just enjoyed going to bed without having Cameron come in and wake us at midnight. I enjoyed sleeping until 10:30 in peace and quiet.

Today, we are heading over to Mom and Dad's for a picnic and cake for Dad's birthday. His b-day is tomorrow, but, he has a church meeting after work and we will be watching the hockey game so Mom put this together as a chance for us all to see him. We gave him our present on Thursday night. A new 26" flat screen tv. Mom mentioned on Mother's day that her tv kept going out...especially during Glenn Beck. Once I heard that, Glenn and I started looking for a tv for them and decided on my birthday to surprise them with one so we could watch the hockey game without fear of it going out at a crucial time. Mom split the cost with us on Saturday, so it's a joint gift from her and us. She also got him Versus so he's been very happy all weekend.


Dad's new TV

Happy Memorial Day and thank you to the veterans who gave their time and lives to keep our country and other countries safe from tyranny and give us the opportunity to experience democracy in live in freedom. May those values they fought for continue.

Another Year

Here I am another year older. Hard to believe I'm finishing my fourth decade on this wonderful planet.

Most days I don't feel 39. Although on a few I feel 89. Who knows I could live that long. My great-great-grandmother lived to be 107. I'm not quite sure that I would want to live that long. Glenn fears that he will die young, perhaps in his 50's and I don't look forward to the prospect of spending one day, let alone 50 or 60 years without him by my side.

My mortality has been striking a nerve with me lately. My large breasts are causing discomfort and every time a feel a twinge of pain, I immediately start checking for lumps. Yes, my greatest fear is breast cancer. Not because I fear having a mastectomy. I really don't. I've spent the last 26 years ruing puberty and the changes it brought with it. I fear dying. Not in the sense that I don't know where I'm going when I leave here, but I fear the pain involved both for me and for my family.

I remember how lost we all were as my grandmother battled ovarian cancer. I can't believe she's been gone almost 5 years. In some ways it seems like she was just here, but sometimes I feel the pain of losing her so deeply I crumble. I don't want my children to grow up without me. I understand that Kelly is about grown and I know that she realizes that I do love her. I'm not done with Cameron. I'm not done snuggling him and enjoying him for the young man he is.

I want to see who my children turn out to be. Will Cameron join the Army or the Air Force? Maybe the Navy like his Momma and Grandpa. I know that he will join something that allows him the opportunity to fly the skies. Kelly is still finding her dream. I always thought it would be in some form of art, such as television or film production. Now it seems it's more likely to be in radiology. If it is, wonderful. Health service careers are much needed and I'm proud of her for doing it. I could never do it and that makes my pride that much stronger.

I'm not dying. Well, yes I am. But not in a terminal, I'm ill way. Just in a we all gotta go sometime way. Does everyone feel this way and get these thoughts as they age? I never took the time to talk to my grandmother about these things. I could not ask my mom because she has been perpetually ill all my life.

This year I made the decision that I am not baking myself a cake. We are going to the Field House for dinner and then back to Glenn's parents house to watch the Penguins vs. Hurricanes hockey game. 4 years ago I spent my birthday at another hockey playoff game. My team lost, but I now own the jersey of my favorite hockey player, who wore it that fateful night. Hopefully, my team will prevail this time. If they play as they did on Monday night I have nothing to worry about.

It is officially my birthday so I should go to bed and sleep well for tomorrow we shall all eat cake. I'm starting this year with a smile and I hope to keep it on my face forever. On a happy note, I finally found the phone number of my friend who also moved up here the same month I did. We now live about 10 minutes from each other and plan to get together soon. :>

The best part of being a mom to Cam and Kel

I've joined a group of moms at www.cafemom.com. This site allows me to network with other moms of kids in Pittsburgh, students at PA Cyber and kids with ADD/ODD. It has been a help and the moms comment on my journals without judging. I know that despite not knowing these moms, they care. The topic for journal posts today was THE BEST PART OF BEING A MOM.

After writing my journal there, I thought I'd share it with you, my family and friends. If you did not know I have been to jail. I have. It was under false accusations, however, my time there strengthened my marriage. Before my stint, I questioned my husband's love. After 150 days, I knew that we would always be together. Don't judge me. That right is reserved for God. I just ask you to keep your heart and mind open as you read my thoughts.

Here goes, my daily journal post.

Once there was a lonely girl who grew up and married a fairly nice guy. Despite their issues they went on to have a beautiful little girl, Kelly. Kelly grew into a smart, talented, beautiful young lady.

I don't just say these things because I'm her mother. She has been tested and pronounced gifted. She manages to make every team, dance squad, etc. she tries out for. She made the high school marching band dance team, with no formal training over a group of girls who I know for a fact took many years of tap, ballet and jazz. Beautiful is subjective, but based on her and my facebook comments, she's gorgeous. Her dimple and the sparkle in her eyes when she smiles makes every sleepless night and afternoon of worrisome tears worth it. When she does something unexpected like send me a gift on facebook because she knows I like something is how I know that despite all the teen year fights we've been experiencing that somehow, someway, I did good!

Eventually that young woman who married the fairly nice guy had enough of his domineering, pot smoking ways, packed her bags and moved back home. She went to college and experienced a few shaky relationships and a miscarriage before she realized that the man she fell in love with at 15 was really the one for her and made her move. She married that hot piece of delicious man meat and got pregnant on her honeymoon. Just under 9 months later, a beautiful baby boy entered her life. This mom never thought she'd want a son. She had always dreamed of little girls and bows. Never snakes and snails and hockey sticks. But once she knew he was coming her heart opened to the idea...the sister not so much...she too wanted a little girl.

This little boy grabbed mommy's finger and it was pure love from that point on. Having Cam has been a trial that I never expected. Kelly was a fairly easy going child. That is when she wasn't packing a plastic bag of toys and telling me she was going to live with Daddy. She always did well in school, had a lot of friends and was loved by all.

Over the years, this little boy challenged his mom and dad at every turn. He refused to leave his crib for a big boy bed. He refused to learn to write. He refused to learn to tie his shoes. Every independent thing that little kids want to do, he rebelled against. Mommy and Daddy were at the end of their rope and finally visited a doctor about his issues. It was determined that he had attention deficit disorder and oppositional defiance disorder. Mommy and Daddy were happy to finally know what the problem is but giving it a name and dealing with it were two different things.

Eventually, Mommy stopped working and started homeschooling Cam. She yells at him and loses her patience, but this sweet, kind hearted boy who likes to open doors for his mom and is always ready with a hug and a kiss accepts her apologies without reservation.

The best feeling I get is that tight hug he gives me after occupational therapy. Every week he fights going because at 10 he still hates to write. But after 30 minutes and seeing that he has accomplished something wonderful, he is always ready to share his achievement and love with me.

I am NOT a perfect mom, most days I don't think I'm a good mom. However, my children love me and know that beneath it all I LOVE THEM. We have a sign off in my family. When I was in jail, I told my cell mates about it. They laughed until I received my first letter from my daughter several months in and the sign off was there. I love you MMLBEA.

If someone thought about it, they would figure it out. But it's what ties our family together. All letters and cards contain these letters and they are a heartstring that bind us no matter how far away we are from each other.

Happy Mothers Day

To all my friends and family who are mothers, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! To everyone, you are sons and daughters, CALL YOUR MOTHER.

As mothers we give the greatest gift in the world, life. We all make mistakes from the point of delivery on. Yet, I know that most mothers have one goal in mind for their children: to get them to adulthood safe, sound, and ready to face the world.

I am looking forward to calling my mother. I miss my grandmother dearly. We will spend mother's day with Glenn's mom. We originally planned to take her to dinner on Saturday so that I could choose my own mother's day dinner. Instead, Linda and Alan are taking George and Wilma to Garda's on Saturday and since Glenn is cleaning boats on Saturday and we don't find Garda's to be one of our favorite places, we'll pass and take Linda out for Mexican on Sunday.

Glenn bought me a new digital camera for Mothers Day. K-Mart had a special where if chose a camera from a list, you got a digital frame for free. We have been looking at frames for at least a year, but the cost has been prohibitive. So we got the frame, a new USB memory stick and loaded it up. We look forward to giving it to Linda on Sunday. I sent out a request to June and Sherry for pics to add to the stick with no response, so they'll have to find a way to add pics later.

My one wish for Mothers Day is that Kelly calls me. In our divorce, Mike and I agreed that I would always have Mother's Day and he Father's Day. I have not spent Mothers Day with Kelly since 2006. I miss having her beautiful smile with me. Do I miss the arguments? No, well sometimes, yes. Those arguments showed her bright mind and her commitment to what she felt passionate about. Wish she felt passionate about different things, but I can't live her life. Only she can. Her dad and I spoke yesterday and agreed that she has to live this life, we need to cut the safety cord. She truly believes that she is an adult. Would I want to see her in a dangerous situation? No. If she were to be in a dangerous situation, I would step in no matter what rift it caused between us. I don't think the relationship between her and Jake was the best thing and I voiced my opinion, repeatedly. Hence the rift we currently experience. I would support her in any situation she got herself into. Meaning if she made a decision to do something, I would not withdraw my love from her if I disagreed with that situation. Isn't that what a mother is?

Positive steps

Besides being the name of our occupational therapy office, positive steps, is how I feel we are moving this week.

Cameron is in 4th grade and that means multiplication, division and the ever disturbing fractions. Until now, fractions seemed to be an easy task for Cameron. Sure it's easy when they ask you to identify the colored part of a figure. Try adding and subtracting fractions, finding common denominators and simplifying and we are in a whole new ball game. How do you explain that 2/7 is smaller than 2/3 when he sees 7 as a larger number. I found that drawing a candy bar and explaining it that way sure helps. He now understands that he would rather have 2 parts of a candy bar split into 3 parts rather than one split into 7. Who wouldn’t?

I have literally been walking Cameron through the process of adding and subtracting fractions with whole numbers for the past week or two. Cameron has a mid unit quiz on this Friday and I'm not sure how he'll do.

I digress, you want to know what the positive steps are. I helped Cam complete today's math assignment but sent him to complete yesterday's on his own. The assignment consisted of two word problems consisting of adding fractions and comparing. The answer was yes or no. He got them both right but could not explain how. Me thinks he guessed. I know that the second one was surely a guess as the explanation he wrote made no sense to the problem whatsoever except it was about 9 parts of 12 and he used 9 as a denominator.

I specifically opted out of self-pacing this year as I did not want to deal with this. Do I need to purchase a stock of Hershey bars and use them to explain each problem? How do I keep him from eating his math homework? He has an A+ in math and doing poorly on this test will not cause him to fail 4th grade but I'm so proud of his accomplishment that I hate to see him fail at this point.

Glenn did understand fractions until he started picture framing in the early 90's. I hate to see Cameron spend the next 10 years in utter confusion. He wants to be a helicopter pilot and I think that math and science are two subjects he needs to excel in.

Math is my forte. My degree is in accounting and computers. It's aggravating to me to see him struggle with math. I often find myself dreaming about his problems trying to come up with simpler solutions to explain the process.

Fortunately, we only have 16 days of school, 4 testing days and 1 field trip until school lets out. I don’t know who is looking forward to it more, me or him. He is in the stage of hating school and I’m in the stage of wishing it were summer.

Most parents don’t exactly look forward to summer as they have to decide what to do with their children. As a home schooling parent, I don’t have those issues. It’s actually a vacation for me too as I don’t have to schedule my day around his classes or getting a test submitted on time. I can sleep in and we can go out to lunch. I think Cameron and I will have to plan a special activity for June 5th when he gets out of school.

My guilty pleasure

I wrote a note about this on Facebook last week. But, after remembering that my pastor is my friend, I felt it best to delete the note as I was a bit emotional when I wrote it and used some pretty inappropriate language.

Hi, my name is Dawn and I am addicted to Real Housewives of New York City. in the background, Hello Dawn can be heard. Okay, I'm really addicted to the entire franchise sans Atlanta. Can't seem to get into them. It's not a racial thing as I find that piece of trash Kim to be the worst offender of my senses. I just could not get into them AT ALL.

On Tuesday nights from 10-12 I can be found sitting on my ever enlarging gluteus maximus. Accent on the maximus. Yes, I realize that this is a one hour show, but I usually spend the first hour chatting with Jill Zarin on Star Cam so I have watch the show again from 11-12.

I love Jill Zarin. She is a free spending, self proclaimed JAP, Jewish American Princess. She has a 16 year old daughter, Ally who reminds me of my Kelly. Ally is into photography and France. Same as my daughter. I would like to think that if they met they'd be friends. Jill is going through the same things with her daughter as I wish I was (touring colleges, planning for SATs). Jill is married to Bobby, owner of Zarin Fabrics in Manhattan. Bobby is much like Glenn in that he understands that Jill is high strung and he just hangs back with a drink in his hand giving Jill whatever she wants.

Bethenny, my second favorite. She and Jill are as close as sisters. Beth has some serious family dysfunction going on. She is the greek chorus of the show. She says what you're thinking. She has a new book out and despite the fact that I seriously need to lose about 1 1/2 Bethenny's in weight, I will not buy it as many say it is recycled diet tips and please, I know that if I ate less and exercised more I'd be skinnier. I just like to eat and hate to exercise so her book would just be another dust collector in my itty bitty house. Still I'm TEAM BETHENNY all the way.

Ramona, dear sweet psychotic Ramona. Ramona is a self made woman and finds money to be an aphrodisiac. Honey ever gold digger in the world feels the same way. But, I'll give her props because she owned her own business before she met Mario, her husband. Together they have a sweet daughter, Avery. I think if Avery runs far, far away when she goes to college she'll be just fine. Despite being skeeved about by Mario last year, something felt fake to me with him, I gave him the benefit of the doubt figuring he was the normal one raising Avery. This year the man has seriously proved me wrong. After a 3-4 episode arc of fighting with Jill over a stupid tennis game, I find him to be a junior high school girl in an aging man's body. If he is the future of men's senior tennis pro's count me out. I'll wait on yummy Andre Agassi. Heck I'll even take John McEnroe. Ramona is "friends" with Jill yet finds a way to put Jill down every chance she gets or cause trouble between Jill and Bethenny. Honey, go back to your Big Lots supply room and get off my TV. Ramona started a skin care line because her skin looks so "fantastic." However, in each season we have seen her visit her plastic surgeon for "non invasive" treatments on her face. I think we should skip her line and find her plastic surgeon. I refuse to comment on those eyes of hers as they may be medically made that way due to a condition so I'll hold off. I do find them to be less bug-eyed this year. Must have been a season break trip to her doctor to fix that problem.

Luann. Oh Countess Luann or is it Ex-Countess Luann? Luann is our resident royalty. She married a Count from France. Not sure what that means, but she's glad to point it out to you. Luann has a lovely housekeeper, Rosie, and two beautiful children. Noel and Victoria are beautiful in a European classic kind of way. We don't see much of her husband, the Count as it's been discovered that he has been spending quite some time with an Ethiopian Princess. Luann is writing a book on etiquette. I really should read this one, but since she tends to overstep her bounds on issues even I, a peasant would not dare do, I think I'll pass. Looking forward to seeing her date next season. Should be a hoot. She gave Bethenny some great dating advice this season so let's see if she takes it herself.

Alex and Simon. I use them together because face it, they are always together. I think we've seen Alex 3 times without Simon. All three times were with Bethenny. Does this mean that Beth is the only one that Simon finds to be non-threatening? If that's the case, then Simon you need to hike up that speedo, put some extra glue on the toupee and wake the heck up. She's got your number and would be happy to help Alex find a way out of that controlling marriage you got going there. This year, we got to see Simon and Alex stay in the Hamptons in a room with a Bidet/toilet for decoration, I sure hope it was a decoration, and renovate their slumhouse, oops I mean townhouse. I think Alex by herself would be fine, with Simon, YUCK. Can't stand their bordello living room and their kids are out of control. I have a son with ADD but I assure you if he ever demolished a $60 hamburger with a kangaroo (some one else's hamburger) and ran wild through a fabric store, he'd be walking for a week because he'd be unable to sit. Remember, we've had the police called on us in a restaurant so a fabric store would be no problem for us.

Kelly. Kelly is a vapid, drugged out ex model. Her brain is so fried she can't keep facts straight from one minute to the next and finds everything to be, like, cute or adorable. Umm, I'm almost 39 and I stopped talking like that in high school. Her "beau" Max on the show is merely a prop. She'd never actually date someone who'd be on reality TV. Okay! Her real boyfriend, Nick made the mistake of stepping a little to close to her fist a few months ago. Kelly was arrested for assault and is awaiting trial. Not too surprising as she looks more manly that my darling husband.

I've tried to be as nice as possible in my descriptions of these loonies. Tonight is the season finale and then 2 1 hour reunion specials next week. Luckily, the Real Housewives of New Jersey start next week. Now these women are some true blue Italian, connected broads and I can't wait to get a full snark on about them. I follow www.televisionwithoutpity.com and love to snark on all my shows. My first stop is always the current Real Housewives board.

5 hours 55 minutes and counting. If I drank, I'd have a bottle of wine and a dish of strawberries next to me by 9:45. Instead I'll have a Pepsi and bag of chips.

He did it!

Glenn has finally achieved his latest dream. To own a motorcycle again. Over the past year and a half he has been wanting one, especially since Tony and Rob both have one. He feels like the poor kid every time they stop into a cycle shop to look around or get something.

The past few months he has been attached to his laptop surfing craigslist for a motorcycle in his spare time. His whining and nagging had reached new highs in this time period. Finally, after fixing the Lebaron, I told him that if he sold it, he could buy a bike with the money. BUT, no money could come out of our household budget for any part of it. That meant he had to be able to buy the bike, transfer the title and purchase a helmet and gloves with whatever money he had from the LeBaron.

He had $1,700. Of course, he was looking for bikes $1700 and up. Hoping that I would consent to letting him have more money. 10 years ago I would have and then done whatever I needed to do to take care of it. Today he even drug me to Gatto Cycle Shop in Tarentum in hope that I would co-sign for him to get a $3500 cycle. I almost capitulated but at the last minute I walked away and came back strong enough to stand my ground.

Once we got home the phone started ringing with all the people he had emailed or called about ads. We were minutes away from driving to New Florence, PA to spend $1800 on a bike. Yes, I gave in an was prepared to take $200 out of the bank. When I told him to get the number, he started shopping again and found a similar bike for $800 in Monroeville. I shot off a quick email to the owner of the cheaper bike asking if we could stop off on our way to look at his bike. He called and we went. Yahoo!!!!!!! Glenn actually liked the cheaper bike....other than the purple wheels. LOL We rushed to AAA bought the bike and even bought extra parts for $200 and headed home. I was happily thinking that maybe with the extra money, I might get my new cell phone or digital camera for my birthday. Then Glenn started slowing down on the parkway and came to a stop. Seems that the gas tank did not have 3/4 of a tank. of fuel as the seller mentioned. Unsure of the problem, Glenn kept trying to start it and ran the battery down. We decided to drive into the city and get some gas. Stupid GPS kept getting messed up by the tall buildings and we ended up driving all over Mount Washington, Carson Street and the North Shore. The first gas station had no cans. Finally, after driving through downtown, we found a station with a 1 gallon can for $9.99. As Glenn got the can and pumped gas, Cameron and I stayed locked in the car. A drunk was on the corner yelling. Remember, I'm from small Fort Myers. I'm not used to crazy drunks on the street corners.

Finally, we got some gas, drove back to the bike and discovered that the battery did not charge and we had to drive home to get our jumper cables. Back to the bike and after about 20 minutes of charging, we were on our way. To say I am stressed and disgusted is an understatement. But, my husband is happy. This turned out to be his 41st birthday present from his parents. They had given him the Lebaron and he turned it into the cycle he wanted. I will post pictures later.

Right now, I'm tired and just want to fall into my bed. School starts in 8 1/2 hours and Cameron still has 2 pages of homework to complete which means an early morning.

Oh...HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY PAUL!!!! I did not forget you.