I blame them.

I've been sitting here for a few weeks trying to figure out where my relationship with Kelly and her relationship with school went wrong. I've narrowed it down to my cousin, his wife and his bitch mother. Kelly and I were fairly okay until the three of them decided to try to destroy my marriage and my life. I wrongly took a portion of my anger and depression out on Kelly. I was not fully there for her when we lost our uncle, who was a great man. I tried to be there for her grief, but my anger did not allow me to fully be there for her. I take full responsibility for that.

Until Kelly started high school we were good. Everything came crashing down the second day of band camp. Literally, my life fell apart and I truly hope that the suffering the three of them are doing today (bitch lost her job and house, cousin lost his company, and who knows about his wife) reminds them of how "God does not like ugly" and I leave all judgment and punishment to him. I know they wish Kelly had stayed in school. The bitch wrote a check so Kelly could go to London, my other cousin made sure Kelly had a cell phone and money each month. They just wanted her to do well. She's gifted for heaven's sake.

Had I "manned up" and let Kelly attend the funeral, I might have been able to salvage our relationship. Instead, I told her no and things spiraled so fast it was a blur. I thought that I had moved past a lot and would be able to put my relationship back on track with her.

However, her freedom while living with her father was too strong of a drug, one of several, for her and she could not handle the "tough love" I tried on her over the past 6 months. I think had she never went to live with her dad, who took her out of her baccalaureate program at one of the finest high schools in the nation, she would have continued in the program and be on track for a scholarship and surefire college education.

Again, I take responsibility for my part. I was not the proper mother 2 1/2 years ago. I was selfish and that is not an appropriate thing for a loving mother to be. I hope that someday she realizes that I love her and do and did truly want what was best for her. I guess now I need to grieve for the loss of what I envisioned for her. I'm almost over the anger phase. I just hope she is not willing to settle as a hostess for life. Money is not everything, but it sure is nice if you can pay your bills each week without stressing out.

Now the question is...can the others take responsibility for their part in this mess?